My beautiful friend Brooke recently started blogging (you can find her at http://brookeaparis.wordpress.com/ ) and her post, "How God Seriously Surprised Me Today," inspired me to write a post of my own on the same feeling.
Most of you know that I applied yet again this year to be a Student Minister at CUA for 2014-2015. This was my third time applying, and I felt more confident than ever in my desire to serve in this ministry. I was at a point in my life where I was the strongest I had ever been personally, academically, and spiritually. I had transformed and grown during my semester abroad in Rome the previous spring and had been leading Catholic Athletes for Christ through another year and another successful Athletes Retreat. I had two great interviews where I felt like I really showed the pastoral staff who I was and the gifts I had to offer to the program which has given so much to me. It was my time. I spent the days leading up to the decision in prayer that God would give me peace and for His will to be done, sure that this was what He had planned for me.
Today I found out that I didn't get Student Minister.
"Seriously Surprised by God" is a gentle way to put my initial reaction.
I couldn't believe it. I felt like everything I'd been through during my time at CUA had been preparing me to finally get the position I had so badly wanted since I was just a freshman and yet here I was, experiencing the same rejection I'd had every year since.
I'm not going to pretend that I'm not a little hurt or confused or that no matter what they tell you to do, that I am of course taking this a little bit personally.
But as this day has gone on and I've adjusted to the fact that God's plans for me next year are not what I had so badly wanted and planned for, I've come to a place of peace.
I'm not crushed. I haven't cried. I'm not cursing out God or setting up a meeting with members of the pastoral staff to demand answers explaining their decision. I am slowly but surely adjusting to the idea that God has something greater in mind for me than I could ever know. I don't understand why it was not in His will for me to be a Student Minister, but even if I won't have the honor and privilege of serving Him in the way that I have desired to since I was 18, He will provide a way for me to serve Him next year and one day I will understand.
This is not the news I thought I would get or be sharing today. It's not the reaction I thought I would have. But I sit here now resting in the peace that He has given me, knowing that I am His beautiful and worthy daughter whom He has blessed with countless gifts and talents to offer to those around me, which are no less because of this rejection.
To all my friends who got Student Minister, I am so, so, happy for you. You are about to embark on an incredible year of service. Be assured of my prayers and my joy for you.
To those who experienced the rejection that I did, I pray for your peace and that your desire to serve this campus will not be diminished. Your gifts are true and of God.